Relationship OCD
Do you constantly worry, “should I even be in a relationship?”, “maybe this is not my person?”, “what if I make the wrong choice and end up getting divorced eventually?”, “what if I never get over their quirks?”, “what if I am not good enough?”….these and many thoughts similar to them can be indicative of obsessive compulsive disorder when it impacts relationships. Constant worry and rumination, coupled with compulsions such as replaying scenarios, asking for affirmation from friends, family and lovers can be consuming, and cause strain and stress on relationships. The worries can actually become self-fulfilling prophecies due to the strain they place on relationships.
Characteristic of all OCD despite the specific theme, (cleanliness, hoarding, contamination, religious, relational, etc) is the sequence and thought pattern. People with OCD suffer inferential confusion on how to apply information, and judgements. We all make judgements every day, for instance, if we smell smoke we judge there might be a fire. This would be a normal doubt. However, people with OCD have higher than average inferential confusion, judging situations in the here and now without sensory evidence to support the conclusion.
If our partner yells at us and calls us names, a normal doubt would be “maybe I should not be with this person.” But, if our partner forgets to load the dishes in the dishwasher it would not warrant a real doubt of “maybe I should not be with this person.” The complexity of relationship OCD must be underscored. We all have basic needs in relationship to others, such as autonomy, independence, security, compassion, connection, empathy, intimacy, among many others. When we are not having our needs met, it is normal to have doubts, but those doubts can be relieved by communication with our partners. In OCD, there is confusion on how to apply our judgements in the situation when needs are not met. Catastrophizing and generalization are two cognitive distortions apparent with this theme.
Juxtaposing our stories based on inferential confusion to our narratives based on all here and now evidence (sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste, along with common sense) can help reorient to what is real and normal to doubt. When the OCD part is quieted, life can be experienced with much more joy.
Using Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, in as little as 13 sessions, clients can significantly improve their day to day functioning and begin experiencing a sense of relief from the constant doubts and worries.
Call today to explore healing in your relationships!
